Scared of 40, but should I be?

What’s up, guys. I’m sitting here in bed at 5:11 A.M. and I’m drinking coffee while eating a piece of cake and binge watching this show on Hulu called Younger. Starring Hillary Duff and Sutton Foster. The show is about this 40-year-old woman who passes herself off as a 26-year-old in order to land her dream job. Now she has to make sure that no one discovers her secret. This show is really good, but it also has me thinking….. oh shit I’m 39 soon to be 40.

40, 40, 40, 40, I can’t believe I’m so close to 40. Just saying it or writing it seems absolutely insane. I mean I know we all grow older but I could never see myself reaching the age of 40. It may sound a little crazy but I almost view 40 as a death sentence. Actually the older I become I tend to view it as a death sentence. It makes me feel like I’m one step closer to the grave. I have a fear of getting older simply because I know that we all have to return to the earth someday; Morbid I know.

It just seems like once you turn 40 you officially become old or viewed as a cougar. People think you can’t be trendy, hip or cool. It’s presumed automatically you have to dress differently. Thankfully I’m happily married unlike the star of the show Younger. Sometimes I really do wish I could turn back time just a little bit, I mean honestly don’t you? I wouldn’t mind reliving some of my twenties or even early thirties. Some days I’m just like where did the time go.

It’s funny, I’m so scared of 40 but 39 is driving me nuts. Starting to realize how much of your body starts to change as you become older. Seriously I swear my eyes are starting to look tired and I can’t stand it. Granted it may have something to do with my work schedule but no matter what, I feel like I need to buy under eye cream for my tired looking eyes. When your younger you don’t have to worry about puffy or tired looking eyes. Maybe I’m just looking at it all wrong. I’m sure there are many wonderful things about being 40, I just haven’t realized it yet. You always hear about all the things that happen to you once you turn forty.

Should I really be scared of 40? Maybe if my marriage was in the slums and I was totally unhappy with my life and I had to start over maybe forty would be scary. I can’t imagine what the dating scene is like nowadays. Nor do I want to think about it. It’s funny though because I was reading this article, I think it was called The List. It was quite depressing, so depressing that I couldn’t really read the entire article. It was very informative but also a reminder of all the things that tend to happen to you once you hit the big 40.

Now I must say that I have spoken to a few friends from my social media platforms and asked that they share what it was like turning 40. Mostly what I discovered is that they all had a pretty easy time adjusting to turning 40. They all have gained more insight, confidence, energy, romance, and happiness with themselves. For most people I spoke with 40 was amazing. Honestly, why should I worry? Age ain’t nothing but a number.

My husband thinks this is funny because he knows I’m not ready to embrace this milestone. Plus there’s an 10yr age difference between us and for him, he’s like at least your not 50. He’s older by the way. My 10yr-old always calls me old; which makes me cringe every time I hear her say it. It kills me when she looks at me crazy when I’m dancing as if I can’t dance. She’s quick to say no mom, don’t do that. Just stop. Then I think back to when I was her age and wondered if I was like that with my mom.

I’m really trying to get past this. My heart is beating a little fast. I know this sounds crazy, but its how I feel. I’m only a few days away from turning 40. I started this blog post last year and now I’m almost finished writing this. There’s nothing I can do about hitting 40, my birthday is going to come and go and I’ll be a year older when I really don’t want to be.

I usually enjoy my birthday and look forward to it, but this year not so much. I guess because I’ll be facing reality in the face. I have no plans and I’m not even sure what I want to do. I’ve seen so many of my high school friends really embracing and celebrating turning 40. I’ve seen a lot of amazing vacations Centered around their 40th birthday. I’m not taking any lavish trips or visiting any amazing places, but I will that I am blessed with family and love. So whatever I decide to do, it’s up to me to make it magical and amazing. I’m sure eventually, I’ll embrace 40 with open arms. My husband told me to just look at it as a fresh start. A new chapter in my life. When I think about it, he’s absolutely right. The only thing I ponder is how do I go about starting this new start? What do I do? I guess I’ll have to figure that part out. 40 may not be so bad after all.

I have a few questions to ask you guys, so please drop your comments down below.

1. Are you scared of turning 40?

2. If you are 40, what was it like for you?

3. Did you embrace 40 or were you in denial?

4. Age ain’t nothing but a number, right?